I am not sure of god. Sometimes god is a potluck in my mind. I take a little bit of everything...Swedish meatballs, German potato salad, Irish stew, and some nondescript bean thing that has all sorts of ties to other countries named cassoulet baked fried refried...some days and absolutely nothing other days. I find myself in the sky floating like a cloud past my window...not really searching...more like on a leisurely journey where I don't have to think. About God.
My mother handed me a new Maryknoll Missal on the day of my First Communion. I was six and riding in the back of the car. In her stiff formal manner that was the norm when she dealt with me, she turned abruptly from her position in the passenger seat and handed me the holy book. Here, she said. This is from your Dad and I. This is the happiest day of your life.
I took the book and turned it over in my hands. Nice cover. It smells news. The inscription in my mother's handwriting, Love, etc. etc.
I am still waiting.
For that happiest day of my life concerning religion..
I am happier praying off my deck, or not, with a beer in my hand. If not prayer, than some sort of communion with butterflies and rabbits and feral cats running by and clouds.
I think I was always meant to be a non-religious doubting person in a sea of religious never doubting followers of Jesus Christ.
I have a hard enough time with God, let alone throwing in JC into the mix.
And all of the thoughts that others like me have thought....why war, why death, why destruction, why men power tripping, why not....have gone through my head and other thoughts.
About God. And religion.
Don't know. Have not come up with any substantial conclusions in my head.
My Facebook page reads the sun is God, or maybe John Lennon.
I'll go with that.
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